Dating can be an interesting emotional adventure. However, much of the problem may not be with the person sitting across the restaurant table from you. The issue with the way that dating makes you feel and the way you relate to potential mates could stem from your own personal love (or lack of love) for yourself.

The crux of the matter is that until you love and accept yourself, you will find it very difficult to allow others to love and accept you as well. This can create a distance you don’t understand in your relationships, making it hard to build the intimacy needed to grow a relationship that goes beyond casual dating.

Naturally, the process of learning to love and accept yourself can take years, and may take therapy. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t assess your mental state and get started on a new path by asking yourself a few key questions about your life.

Take a weekend morning to do a bit of self examination. This isn’t the “mirror, mirror” kind of self examination, either. Loving yourself and your life goes well beyond liking the image you see in the mirror.

Ask yourself how you feel about your work, your hobbies, your living arrangements, and your friends. Are you proud of what you do for a living? This can help you communicate confidence about your career to mates. Do you find your hobbies fulfilling and stimulating, or is it time to try something new? Are you frustrated with your neighbours? A move could be the fresh start you need to start loving your home life again. Finally, are your friends deep connections or convenient acquaintances? Looking for real relationships will help you feel valued and let you communicate validation to potential mates.

When you are done, you will have a better grasp on the state of affairs in your life. Identify what you can change and get going! When you are happy and loving your own life, it will be a magnet that pulls in others to you – including the great mate you truly seek.

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